Trades
Posted: Sun May 25, 2025 6:42 am
Inform all trades here.
BLOCKBUSTER TRADE SHOCKS THE KOHL“Stop the presses! Grab your Game Genie! This one’s real!”
In a move that has KOHL analysts scrambling, friends questioning reality, and at least one fax machine reportedly shattered in protest…
MONTREAL ACQUIRES:
TONY GRANATO – Ottawa’s top-line turbo booster, team-leading goal scorer, and walking highlight reel. The guy was their offense.
RAY FERRARO – Veteran glue, locker room voice, third-line steady hand with a knack for sneaky big goals. Also owns half the team's coffee supply.
JOHN MacLEAN – Defensive conscience of the bottom six. May not dazzle, but always delivers. Like a hockey-shaped UPS truck.
OTTAWA ACQUIRES:
CRAIG JANNEY – Pass-first wizard. If you’re open, he’ll find you. If you’re not open… he’ll still find you. The Assist Whisperer.
BRAD MAY – Brings grit, edge, and 72.3% of his games spent eating nachos in the press box. New city, new shot?
DAVID VOLEK – If you remember his '93 heroics, congrats, you’re old. But who knows—maybe the KOHL is where the Voleknaissance begins.🗞 KOHL INSIDER REACTIONS:
“This is either 4D chess or someone let their little cousin make the trades.” – Anonymous KOHL GM “Ferraro was the heartbeat of that third line. Now Ottawa’s heartbeat has arrhythmia.” – KOHL Analyst Barry Breakaway “Janney might lead the league in assists—or in passive-aggressive interviews.” – KOHL sideline reporter “Hacksaw” Hamilton “Montreal just walked into the saloon, flipped the table, and said ‘Deal.’” – Unnamed coach on a burner account
TRADE VERDICT:Montreal’s going for the cup. Ottawa’s reshuffling the deck and betting on Janney magic.
Either way… the KOHL drama meter just hit
11/10.Tag your rival, grab your sticks—this season just got juicy.